Yup, Gertie's a coolster...

Hi mom, what the hell is this? I love how you have a blog. That's so embarrassing. And I love how you talk about me on it. And I also love how you bash me because obviously you hate me for some reason. Actually, I know what "arrangement" means. Why do you think I don't have a brain?

I'm obviously smart enough to hack your blog. Hah. Haha. Hahahahaha!

I just feel so sorry for you sometimes.

People, don't listen to anything that comes out of my mom's mouth. Obviously, the fumes from the cooked human body parts in the fridge and the broken ugly-ass wok have gone straight to her brain. Listen, kay?

1. I do not steal wallets.
2. I do not "run away from home". I'm seriously not that lame.
3. I do not need immediate psychiatric aid (Jesus mom you make me sound like I'm some sort of psycho!).
4. I do not have a fixation with kitchen knives (saying this in advance because I know she's gonna bring it up).
5. WTF I do NOT say big words to impress my friends.
6. I am going to Camp Crystal Lake this summer and there is nothing anyone can say or do about it because I am not a freaking baby. And why the hell would anyone dig up crystals at the bottom of a lake? Someone needs a hearing aid...
7. Freddy Krueger is neither an arsonist nor a house-egger. The only house-egger on this street is you, mom. And maybe Jasper. And also his name is not Frederick. That is disgusting.
8. The reason my mom spends "SO MUCH MONEY" on doctor's appointments is because I have arthritis in my knees. Well, nice to know I'm such a burden, mom. You can stop using like, 0.1% of Johnny's money on me, it's okay. I'll just die. No biggie.
9. My last name is Myers. I don't care what you say, mom. I refuse to go by "LSD". That is completely f-tarded.
10. I am pretty obviously adopted.

Nice to know how you portray your own son. Cool. Very cool. Mom, just... just go fix a wok.

Just for the record, I am not related to anyone in this ridiculous family.

Your evidently adopted "son",
Michael

P.S. - your password was really hilariously obvious. Just by the way.
P.P.S. - Jason's last name is not "Vrees". It's Voorhees. WTF. And by the way his mom's name is PAMELA. What the hell is this Mary-Sue business?