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All right everyone.

We are home from the hospital. Jason is obviously not dead. My mom really likes freaking people out for no reason. This is because she is an attention whore.

I wasn't even worried, for God's sake. Everyone knew he was gonna make it. Obviously. After a couple days he just kind of sat up in bed and said, "Did I miss something?"

Meanwhile, my mom drained her laptop's battery so much during our stay there (no outlets in the waiting room, awkwardly enough) that she now has to get it replaced. She called HP and they're making her like send her "defective" one to China or something and then probably some relatives of Sella Bwan who work at the awkward Chinese HP factory are going to send her a new battery. Personally I don't really get why she can't just get one at fucking Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart has everything. Including crutches. We got some crutches for Jason because he's not expected to keep his balance for a few weeks. I personally think the doctors are crackheads because how on Earth are crutches supposed to help you with your balance? Won't you just fall down anyway but get like battered with your crutches on the way down? Fucktards. But whatever, it's not like we could just ignore the doctor's orders. We couldn't just be like, "NO" and throw a sheet of plexiglass at them. Though I did suggest we do that.

Anyways, my mom just wanted me to update everyone because she can't, since her laptop is currently a corpse. I'm writing this from Jason's. Awkwardly enough Johnny never wants to share any of his five desktops at home. My mom is pretty miserable without her blog - and her computer. She actually had to go buy Susan Boyle's new album at Wal-Mart because all her Susan Boyle songs were on her iTunes and without them she starts twitching after a few hours.

So yeah. Jason's fine, my mom is confused due to her lack of a computer, Hannibal is at the casino, Johnny's working late, and Robert is at home practicing for his speech at Harvard on Monday. Which is why I'm currently not in the house. Jason's mom just baked us some pink cherry muffins. I asked her if we could make some Bloody Demon Squares earlier but she just looked at me like I was dumb.

Oh! One more thing. Hannibal decided that Jason, Freddy and I get to help him decorate the Christmas tree! :) Epic win.

Aaaaaaaand also everyone in the neighborhood is invited to our big-ass Christmas dinner next Saturday with a freshly-murdered fat turkey. My mom actually just called me to tell me, in a strangled-sounding voice, to pass this on.